I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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