Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
