dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
