I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
