You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
