I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
