Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
