I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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