You smell like stripper and shame
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
