I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
