walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
