My Higher Power is John Stamos
Too much gin, very little bucket
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
