Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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