Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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