She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
