After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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