ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
