Nicole vs. Life
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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