A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
