I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
