Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
