I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
