The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
