I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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