I wish my penis had an off switch
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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