Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
