i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
