maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
