I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
