I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
