i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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