I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize