Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
