I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
operation have a gay friend backfired
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
