Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
