Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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