I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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