You smell like stripper and shame
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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