So drunk its hurt
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
