i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
