Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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