I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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