First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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