Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
