shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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