Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
