we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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