A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
