twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
