I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
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I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
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He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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