Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
