please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
