who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
