I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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