Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
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I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
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I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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