sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Randomize
