So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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