do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
