you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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