The maid of honor just puked.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
